Tales to Scare Your Space Suit Off
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: One dark night on board the Normandy, Shepard and co. get together to tell the scariest stories you can ever imagine! Features such spine-tingling screamers such as "I Was a Teenage Reaper" and "Day of all the Blood"!
1. Spooky, Scary, Squeamish Introduction

This will be relatively short, a chapter for each character's scary story and each one not too long.

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Tales to Scare Your Space-Suit Off Chapter 1: A Dark and Stormy Night IN SPACE!

The lighting inside the Normandy had been completely shut off, barring one holographic fire being projected from the center of the mess hall. Gathered in a semi-circle around said fire were the team which had become known as "Shepard's Dirty Dozen" to the press. At the median of the semi-circle sat Commander Shepard, dressed in red Cerberus-issue pajamas, though he had removed the Cerberus logo embroidery. To his right was Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, due to her suit she did could not wear pajamas but had attempted to blend in by replacing her hood with a purple nightcap. On his right was Garrus, who wore some sort of blue turian sleep wear that looked almost like human exercise clothes. Miranda sat next to Garrus, she had on a white nightgown with "I heart Cerberus" written on the front. Kasumi sat next to Tali, she had on a black robe and her hood. Grunt sat next to Miranda, wearing baggy pants with a tail hole and a plush varren tucked under his arm. Jacob was besides Kasumi, followed by Zaeed wearing pajamas with little guns on them. Thane, Jack, Samara and Legion did not wear any form of sleepware and were in their normal outfits (except Legion as it didn't wear clothing).

"Alright, it is time for us to begin…" Shepard whispered in a sinister voice worthy of a renegade interrupt. "Welcome friends to a night of scary stories, fun and- Where's Mordin?" The Commander scanned the room but saw no trace of the scientist salarian.

"Who cares? Why are we doing this anyway? A sleepover? What are we, four?" Jack complained while trying to roast a marshmallow over the holographic fire.

"It's not a sleep over. It's a gathering where we all tell scary stories and sleep here in these bags." Shepard retorted in between looking around for Mordin.

"That's the definition of sleep over!" Jack's body began to glow blue as her biotics flared up, ready for an attack.

"Calm down! I have sworn an oath to the Commander and if you attack him I will be forced to kill you." Samara cautioned while attempting to force Jack back onto the ground.

"Like you could take me on!" The biotic scoffed.

"Oooh, this is getting good. Isn't that right Mr. Fluffy Fury?" Grunt cooed to his teddy-varren.

"Everyone! Calm down!" Shepard yelled while waving his arms, however the crew didn't seem capable of taking him seriously for some reason. He looked down and saw that in the commotion Tali and fallen sideways, with her head on the Commander's shoulder and her arms wrapped around him. She was making an odd mewling noise which appeared to be the quarian equivalent of snoring.

"That's it, I'm out of here." Zaeed got up and prepared to exit the room.

"Wait! Stop, we'll start without Mordin." Shepard then proceeded to poke Tali in an attempt to wake her up. "Tali honey, wake up." He whispered as the quarian slowly awoke.

"Wha-no I will not 'drop the soap' not after what happened last time…" She mumbled groggily while stretching.

"We're starting the scary story sleepover!" Shepard announced in the same eerie voice he had before.

"I thought you said this wasn't a sleepover!" Jack complained. The commander facepalmed and let out a long sigh.

"I meant we're starting the scary story team bonding night! OooOOOOooo!" He wiggled his fingers in a poor attempt at being scary. "I'll go first with a chilling tale I like to call: I Was a Teenage Reaper!"

There was a massive crack similar to lighting which illuminated the room. In terror Grunt jumped into Miranda's arms and Zaeed pulled out his rifle Jessie from… somewhere I'd prefer not to mention.

"Sorry, we reached consensus that replicating the sound of lightning would increase feelings of terror in organics which we deemed appropriate to help 'set the mood'." Legion explained.

"Thank you Legion, but don't do that again." Shepard raised his hand. The geth platform nodded and Commander Shepard picked up a flashlight which he held under his face to give it a shadowy appearance. "Now as I was saying: I Was a Teenage Reaper!"

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Next chapter is Shepard's scary story, if you have any suggestions for what each team member's story should be say so in a review!


	2. Shepard: I Was a Teenage Reaper

Here we have the first scary story, each one is a spoof of a horror movie or horror movie cliché, Shepard's makes fun of the "teen-slasher flick".

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Tales to Scare Your Space-Suit Off

Shepard: I Was a Teenage Reaper

"It was a dark and stormy night," Shepard began.

"It can't be stormy in space!" Jack objected, still upset over having to take part in this sleepover.

"Who said it was in space? This story takes place in a high school-"

"Then why are people there at night?" The commander massaged his temples and tried to get over the annoyance of Jack.

"It was a boarding school! Anyway…

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It was a dark and stormy night in Normandy High, which was a boarding school. Walking to his dorm was the most handsome and popular student, a boy named, umm, Shep! He waved high to his good friend Jester but suddenly felt a strange feeling come over him. This had been happening a lot, ever since an accident in Mr. Adam's engineering class where a malfunctioning robotic arm had scratched him and deposited some sort of a material into his bloodstream. Nurse Chakwas couldn't find anything wrong with Shep so he ignored the incident. But this time the strange feeling in his arm was worse than normal.

Shep pulled back his sleeve and in horror saw that the section of his arm which had been scratched was now metallic!

"What's wrong Shep?" The most beautiful girl in all of Normandy High asked to the startled Command-student.

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"Aww, how sweet of you to make me the most beautiful girl in Normandy High." Miranda interrupted.

"That's not supposed to be you!" Shepard retorted.

"But I'm genetically engineered to be the most beautiful, who could beat me?" The Cerberus officer asked incredulously.

"Just let me finish the story."

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"What's wrong Shep?" Asked the most beautiful girl in Normandy High… T-… Ta- no that's too obvious, Too-

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"Just use our actual names for pete's sake!" Zaeed demanded and then stuffed a fistful of marshmallows into his mouth.

"Fine."

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Anyway Shep's eyes turned a glowing red and soon he felt the desire to reap all organic life fill him. He had become… A TEENAGE REAPER! Shep swiped his new synthetic arm out, slicing Tali's head off. No longer the human he once was, the teenage reaper began his rampage through Normandy High. His first victim was the stuck-up, no good, not second chance giving, ex-girlfriend Ash. He killed her with a plasma gun. After that every single person fell. There was no stopping his wrath, and in the end Normandy High was no more.

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"That's it?" Garrus complained. Shepard stared at the turian, trying to figure why he didn't realize the story was over. "It didn't have happy ending." He elaborated.

"It's a scary story. It's not supposed to have a happy ending." Shepard explained flatly.

"But don't human horror stories end with the unusually attractive protagonists killing the monster only for it to return in the sequel?" Garrus was not buying the Commander's explanation. And arguing about whether scary stories should have happy endings entertained him far more than listening to one, or watching Jack and Zaeed try cook marshmallows with a holographic fire. They still hadn't figured it out.

"If you know so much about scary stories, why don't you tell the next one?"

"Maybe I will." Garrus took the flashlight and held it under his chin to replicate the same creepy shadow effect. "This one is called 'The Organ Harvester'."

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As I said before these stories are meant to be very short. Also three guesses for who Garrus' story will be about.


End file.
